Avoiding the Temptation to Despair

Sermon for worship on the 22nd day of the Second month at West Richmond Friends Meeting, given by Elizabeth Terney.

Psalm 22: 1-10

While Quakers aren’t very liturgical, I find the liturgical calendar helpful for reminding us of the various parts of the story of Christ. It’s the first Sunday of Lent today. Lent is a 40-day exploration. Lent is a time to reorient ourselves, to clarify our minds, to slow down, recover from distraction, and to focus on the values of God’s kingdom and on the value God has put on us and our neighbors. As Matthew pointed out in the Friendly Visitor this week, many events in the Bible are said to take 40 days. Lent is patterned after Jesus’ forty days in the wilderness. Jesus is directly tempted after those 40 days. I suggest to you today that Jesus was tempted in other ways at other times.

We are living in a remarkable time, with things happening in the country we never thought would happen here again, and some new, unexpected things as well. Things we thought were decided – like the nonproliferation of nuclear weapons treaties, the danger of burning fossil fuels, and expectations of transparency in our government – have been overturned. The US government has been violent toward its inhabitants before, but I hoped things were improving, not going to get worse.

We are tempted to despair, to lose all hope. Lose hope in the future, in God, and in our fellow humans. It seems odd that to despair is a temptation we face – for what is tempting about it? It’s giving up. In hard times, sometimes that feels the only way.

There are moments in Jesus’ story where Jesus seems tempted to despair, too. In the garden of Gethsemane and on the cross, Jesus is tempted to despair. He does not choose despair in the garden; he chooses to walk the path God has shown him. However, scholars disagree on whether Jesus despairs on the cross. I find it helpful to remember that his last words, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” are the first lines of Psalm 22, which turns from the prayer of someone in distress, distant from God, to someone who, through the prayer, has had their trust in God returned.

If Jesus even momentarily felt despair – a loss of hope – a distance from God, then we know he experienced being human.

As I discussed two weeks ago, God may forgive us for despairing, but today I’d like to say it’s not a helpful or healthy way to live. God wants wholeness for us. God wants us to choose to hope, to act, and to care.

However, when on the edge of despair, or deep inside of it, it may be difficult to find our way out. I speak of this as the voice of experience. I have climbed out of despair several times. Despair is many things: it’s biological, psychological, social, and spiritual. The good news is that action on any of these modes can help pull us out of despair. Holistic intervention is the most likely to succeed.

Despair is biological: it affects the body. This makes sense because we are embodied souls. Emotions affect the body. Thoughts affect the body. A body in despair may slow down. A desire for sleep, cocooning, physical comfort, or distraction. Perhaps we stop moving as much – giving up on exercise, including gentle movements. We get tense. Our digestive system gets upset. Our nerves get upset. Our blood pressure may rise. We may cry more easily. Perhaps we sleep a lot, perhaps we can’t sleep much at all.

Despair is psychological. Our thoughts become negative and repetitive. We may experience heightened anxiety. Our worries become our primary focus, crowding out positive experiences and thoughts. We become easily distracted, unable to focus. We experience disordered thinking. Eventually, we start to check out of life. Sometimes throwing ourselves into unhealthy but thoroughly distracting behaviors.

Despair is social. We tend to isolate ourselves from other people. When we do see them, we talk about the topics that make us despair. We find ourselves trapped in other people's social media feeds, where we see others who feel the same way. Those we know who are celebrating the changes in the world are harder to understand and talk to.

Despair is spiritual. We may pull away from God, for how could God allow such things to happen? We may stop praying, or feel that none of our prayers have been answered or will ever be answered.

So what’s the way out? As I suggested, each of these ways despair expresses itself can be a way to address it. The important thing to remember is to start small. Most of the things I will suggest are things you already know are good for you. There is no point in harming yourself further by lamenting on what you do not have the energy to do, so pick something easy to start with, and as you take a break from despair, you’ll have more ability to take more breaks from despair.

The word 'play' is one I want you to think about. Whether you’re engaging in a game, a craft, a pleasant walk, or decide to dance around or sing to your favorite music, play is key. Find enjoyment in it. Find the joy. Joy feels like an antidote to despair.

The amazing thing about the human mind is that we can feel contradictory things at the same time. We can grieve while we play. Sometimes one of those: grief or joy takes the lead, but keeping the joy in life moves us from the edge of despair.

So what are our options?

Take care of our bodies –We can move, take a walk, stretch, or exercise. We can eat as healthily as we can. We can pamper ourselves with a body care routine. We can be mindful of our sleep hygiene so we have more opportunities get good rest.

Take care of our minds and emotions – Curate how much news you ingest. Practice gratitude. Find healthy outlets for grief. Meditate. Find the humor in life. Laugh with others. Smile at the people you love. Smile at people you’re not sure about. Work on reframing our most despairing thoughts. Example: “the people who work for ICE are terribly depraved and evil.” Reframing might look like this: “each person involved in these ICE actions is a human being deserving of respect and love with their own motivations and histories I do not understand. I cannot expect others to show compassion if I am unwilling to show it myself.”

Take care of our social needs – talk with a friend and make sure some of the conversation doesn’t revolve around the things you’re despairing about. If you’re an extrovert, go to a gathering, set up a game night, or plan a potluck. Attend Meeting and talk to some people while you’re here. Make a phone call. Be friendly to people you meet in daily life. Write letters and emails or start a text conversation. Make plans with someone you haven’t spent time with recently. Get to know someone new. Ask new questions of people you know well. Be a light in the life of someone else.

Take care of our spiritual needs. If you don’t already have a spiritual practice, find one you think you’ll like and start practicing regularly. If you have fallen away from one, gently pick it back up. Spiritual practices don’t need to be complicated. Prayer, writing, singing, body movement while you think toward God are all simple ways to engage in a spiritual practice. Bathe in Nature.

Immerse yourself in art or music. Find experiences of awe and wonder. Read a spiritual text, such as passages of Scripture, Thomas Kelly, or Tom Mullen. Remember, even if you’re raging at God, that’s OK. God can take it, and it might be quite good for you. For many years, I relied on the Serenity Prayer “God, Grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.” I asked myself when a new terrible thing arose in the world – what could I change? It wasn’t often a lot. I then chose to accept that I couldn’t change and put my energy into the things I knew I could. Over the years, I’ve shortened my prayer: “God, how can I help?”

Even though I just listed a lot of things, I don’t want you to ever believe you need to take on all of them. They are not a list of things you should be doing. They are a list of options of things you could do. Start small, focusing on playfulness and joy. Don’t let the powerful rob you of the enjoyment of your life.

When you build up enough resilience, you could start taking action. Authoritarian regimes love populations that are overwhelmed and have lost hope. Let’s not give them what they want. Attend rallies and demonstrate your right to assemble. Try talking calmly to people you know about how the injustice taking place threatens all of us. Call elected officials to protest authoritarian actions. Offer practical support to neighbors living in fear of state terror. Speak up on behalf of educators, museums, librarians who refuse to whitewash American history or destroy books the authoritarians don’t like. Support democracy through voting.

Despair tempts us at times, but we don’t need to give in. After all, after despairing on the cross, Jesus’ quote of Psalm 22 tells us he returned to trust in God. In crises, it’s best to center down and ask God for comfort and hope. These are things God provides in abundance.